Bearing my igloo

Out of my mouth came an unknown word,
from somewhere above; it could only be heard
by the bearer of self.

Creeping up out of my chest
were slithery scales moving towards my breath.
It scraped the inside of the ice cold walls
leaving shavings behind to show power and control.
Immense pain I felt to release this burden
although it was given without any permission.

Aggravating my inner self
I began the process of releasing what will eventually help.
I can endure the pain as it continues to scrape
what was so faithfully built
for my own personal sake.

Rising to the surface
leaving residue behind,
doubt overwhelms
finding a deep place to preside.
Feeling a slight warmth
knowing there is strength
understanding the great truth
to name is to give way.

I release it from my lips as the pressure begins to ware
It becomes more clear and visible to see
that the burden was no one other than me.
"Forgive myself" were the words that were spoken
Learn to love even when in pain
for if God can forgive, so you also may

Emboldened by tea

Just a moment ago, while sipping my Tazo- wild sweet orange tea I looked up at the mug that sat in front of me and it read, "You can do it!".

What exactly can I do? It's interesting to think that at this moment when I am struggling with so many thoughts of growth and goals of reaching greater achievements, a mug is telling me I can do it. How do you know? What else can you tell me of my capabilities? In a way this mug actually encouraged me to continue in my pursuits, and unbeknownst to the creator of this ingenious mug, his artwork and seemingly unoriginal title helped someone.

Maybe I should go into the business of creating mugs with cheesy, and yet encouraging titles.

His throne endure before me like the sun

My heart, restless and uneasy, was struck by a piercing comment, "Did you go to college? Did you graduate? No. Well I did." Hearing a tone of arrogance, I said nothing, left only to feel the sting of it's blade later when the numbing of my adrenaline wore off. I became callus and cold hearted, so I wouldn't have to reveal my brokenness. How could I not have known or felt my own pain, until this day?

The questions that linger, even under my very breathe, are:

Am I smart enough?
Am I competent?
Can I succeed?
Am I worth it?

I am at war. I go to battle every day, in every hour, and in every minute, fighting for my right to feel competent and valuable. On the battle field, I call out for strength; I put on armor to protect my heart, a helmet to cover my head, and a sword to draw on my enemy, although I hardly use it. I have coverings for my feet for quickness, and my head is anointed with oil, to symbolize my new self.

This last battle started with great success. I covered much ground. Scouting the terrain, I caught thieves and exposed them to be judged, and I was rewarded greatly. Unknown to me, I was also exposed. I was now a known person. A trap was set for me by the enemy. Dwelling in my glory, I became arrogant, and foolishly walked into their trap. I could not believe my Ignorance.

Then a faint whisper in the wind came unto me, to say:

-I am not condemned, I am forgiven.
-I am not incompetent; I have been given wisdom and knowledge by the One greater than myself.
-I am not worthless; I am as a precious jewel, and am called by name, Beloved.

As soon as I repeated this gift of truth, I was rescued from my prison and brought back to this place to share this with you.

Psalm 89:1-37

Missy to Mister

Yesterday I was talking to my mother about some deep spiritual issues, brought on by a video I watched by EX Ministries. As we were discussing these important subjects, one of my cats jumped on my bed. I was laying there in deep thought, praying that God would open my eyes to His perspective, and grant me insight for His kingdom, when my mother signaled my attention to look at my cat Missy. When I looked at her I couldn't tell exactly what she was doing. At first I thought she was massaging her claws on my blanket, as she always used to do, so delicately, and with poise. My eyes started to focus in on her moving her claws on my blanket to massage them, and then I thought, "Aw, how cute!". Again my mother signaled my attention, trying not to speak very loud so we didn't scare her away before figuring it out. So, again I looked, thinking...thinking..."What? Girls don't hump!"

Well, after 1 year of playful, beautiful Missy Estrada Schenk Carreiro, we discovered the unthinkable, she is NOT a girl. Poor confused Missy, whom we now call Mister. And to think, just the other day we were hoping she wasn't pregnant, because we were noticing her/him gaining some weight. I guess we don't have to worry about that anymore. It's almost sad to think about Missy being male, I was really comfortable with him being a young lady. I guess next time I shouldn't be so gullible and take the persons word for it, I should check for myself.