Sinful Secret

There is a sin I have kept inside.
I have not told a soul
mostly out of foolish pride.
I feel rotten and tainted
by it's great life,
and it completes it's ugly work
from time to time.

I cannot share this sin,
for it has already grown
deep within.
I have tried to express it once before
but I could not bear,
even to let it show.

I need the Lord to heal me now,
for I do not know where else to go
or how to let people know
the pain it causes
me to endure
and the way it shapes me;
the way I am lured
back into the trap
of this dreadful sin
It can only be accomplished
by the Lord within
my soul.

My soul seeks refuge
from this horrible battle.

Day by day
I suit up with armor.
I prepare my sword,
and train for battle.
As I fight
I build up endurance.
I swing my sword
to and fro
I clinch my fist
I swing to hit.
I miss and miss,
and miss,
and miss.
I do not understand
how I can fail?
I thought the battle has been won?
I thought the enemy was nailed,
at the cross
where our souls were saved
by the One who was forsaken
by humanity
He was slain?

How could this be
that I have fallen,
if we were promised
victory and honor,
by God who sacrificed
His only Son
on our behalf
so my battle would be won?

Have I interpreted
my great Lord wrongly?
Have I failed,
was there something I did?
Or, have I been wronged,
or have I sinned?
I am so confused.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe my sin is too great
to be
forgiven
like my Father has said?
He told me there was no
sin too great
for Him to forgive.

Or maybe it's just my disbelief,
maybe it's my flesh
that prevents me from seeing
my great Father in Heaven
working in my life?
It makes sense,
it sounds right.

Was that me
out on the battle field,
swinging my sword
to and fro,
trying to fight
this battle of great sin?
It's the same battle I fight within.
Was it me
with armor,
with great endurance
fighting a battle,
clinching my fist,
and missing my sin
missing the hit?

Yes.
It was me
fighting my enemy.
But who is that I see?
Could it be?
Two of me?

I am fighting myself.
This is not a great battle!
The battle has been won.
My God did not lie,
he knew all along.
My enemy has been defeated.
My flesh is extra weight.
It only shows residue
from when it was great.
It is not really alive,
it has not won.
I can make a free choice
and choose freedom
choose the Lord.

I thank you my Father
who made it so
You have fought the great fight
and took all the blows.