My heart, restless and uneasy, was struck by a piercing comment, "Did you go to college? Did you graduate? No. Well I did." Hearing a tone of arrogance, I said nothing, left only to feel the sting of it's blade later when the numbing of my adrenaline wore off. I became callus and cold hearted, so I wouldn't have to reveal my brokenness. How could I not have known or felt my own pain, until this day?
The questions that linger, even under my very breathe, are:
Am I smart enough?
Am I competent?
Can I succeed?
Am I worth it?
I am at war. I go to battle every day, in every hour, and in every minute, fighting for my right to feel competent and valuable. On the battle field, I call out for strength; I put on armor to protect my heart, a helmet to cover my head, and a sword to draw on my enemy, although I hardly use it. I have coverings for my feet for quickness, and my head is anointed with oil, to symbolize my new self.
This last battle started with great success. I covered much ground. Scouting the terrain, I caught thieves and exposed them to be judged, and I was rewarded greatly. Unknown to me, I was also exposed. I was now a known person. A trap was set for me by the enemy. Dwelling in my glory, I became arrogant, and foolishly walked into their trap. I could not believe my Ignorance.
Then a faint whisper in the wind came unto me, to say:
-I am not condemned, I am forgiven.
-I am not incompetent; I have been given wisdom and knowledge by the One greater than myself.
-I am not worthless; I am as a precious jewel, and am called by name, Beloved.
As soon as I repeated this gift of truth, I was rescued from my prison and brought back to this place to share this with you.
Psalm 89:1-37
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